# 020

i've struggled a lot with this blog. so many people know about it without me saying anything, it's apparently spread like wildfire around .. well.. the world since half of you guys are from the one and only US. i'm shocked really. i mean.. i haven't written in months and yet, i get hits daily. a lot of them.

what draws you to read my ramblings? leave a comment. i beg you!

now.. i'm still not sure what to do with this. i considered leaving it, just forgetting about it. i considered making it password protected.. i considered hiding it. continuing hasn't really been on the table since before the last post i wrote, i got a lot of shit about this blog from people, quite certain some of them are reading this now.

as for my life? it's good. better than good. i'm happy. and i know that there are some people who do not like that at all. but i don't care. i don't live my life for them. i live it for me. i have my friends, i have my family. roof above my head, food in the fridge... i have everything i want. oh and i did finally quit my habit and stopped smoking.

and then, let's adress some rumours. (this could be like a weekly series, it happens so much)

1. no, i am not pregnant.
2. i am not dying.
3. i do not have a sugar daddy. or a sugar mama. i do have sugar, i use it in coffee and baking.
4. i did not join a cult. (seriously people?!)
5. umm... no, i think that's it. unless you know more?

i hope everyone had a good christmas/hanukkah and enjoyed it. i know mine was very enjoyable. have a fun and safe new year's and be happy!

leave a comment telling why you read this and if i should quit or if my writing and life is so interesting that you'll want to keep reading! looking forward to reading and replying to all of them!

# 015

everyone knows that it takes a lot to be able to give up our old habits and try something new. i'm battling this right now along thousands of others.

i've never really felt comfortable in my skin. but then again, i never really took care of it either. a couple of weeks ago, i decided to stop drinking soda's. sure, they're easy and available pretty much everywhere, but they aren't exactly good for my health. candy has been gone for a while(besides the occasional enjoyment), and now, lastly, i've been inching towards healthier snacks and foods. i refuse to eat foods that are just complete junk or unhealthy to me. chocolate bars switch to breads and jogurt. and to make sure i don't slip to eating a chocolate bar instead of making myself a sandwich, i don't buy candy. at all.

i've started to drink more water, even if i get horrible headache's from it, and switched the aforementioned soda's to juices. if i go to a coffee shop, i'll rather take a smoothie or a water than some horrendously expensive coffee which actually has the coffee amount of 2 drops, maybe 3 if you're lucky. *

exercising, now that's a tough one since i don't own any sporting equipment/clothing. but i've started to go for 2-5 walks with or without my dog on a daily basis. sometime's of course, i'm too tired, but on a day like this(sunny, hardly any clouds) you can see me walk among the best of them. on rainy day's, i don't want to drag my dog with me since she get's cold easy and they really don't make dog's clothing in her teeny tiny size, so i go by myself. and when i go out at night, i choose to simply dance the night(and my worries) away.

i had a month without alcohol and it felt great, my sleeprythm went back to a normal one (going to bed around 22 to midnight and waking up no later than 9) and i tend to keep that. except going to bed earlier and waking up around 5 for school. yes, i study during the summer too.

i'm also hoping to quit smoking, but that is a harder feat than the rest. i'm more of a bored/social/pissed/etc. smoker than actually addicted to it. maybe it'll just come(or go to be exact) once my healthier choices of life have come a daily habit.

as i'm writing this, i'm actually sitting on my bed drinking coffee before going to the grocerystore. there is a desperate need for bread and other things in this house, and i am not going to starve myself. that i learned the hardway. considering actually planning my day from morning to bedtime so i have a strict schedule that i wont slip from. hopefully anyway. maybe there's some sort of punishment i could do if i slip... like... 50 sit-ups? the horror of that alone might be enough to keep me on the path(my abs are like boiled noodle so..)!

well, i wont bore you with this anymore. if my road to healthier living is something people would like to hear more about, let me know in the comment -section below and i'll keep writing.

# 014

this really deserves it's own  post. so, as some of you know, it was my birthday last month and today i FINALLY got my birthday present from my awesome brother. you want to know  what i got? of course you do my little sweeties. well, i'll tell you! he bought me Lea Michele's Brunette Ambition! AND I LOVE IT! so thanks bro<3

it really makes me want to take charge in my life even more. like why do i eat crappy unhealthy food that's bad for me when i can eat good foods and feel good about myself. and my clothing. i buy more but i toss nothing out. i have clothing for elementary school... i have clothing that hasn't fit me in like almost 20 years! nope, no way. time to toss that shit out. if it doesn't fit, if it's broken and not easily fixable, not worn in a year(winter clothing does NOT count, it was a warm winter), it's out. and if i haven't fixed broken clothing in 6 months, they're gone too. and shoes, if i never wear them, bye bye. clothing i don't wear anymore deserves a better owner than me.

so thank you again brother, i love you.<3

# 001

there was a post here. about tarot-readings. but i deleted it. actually i replaced it. because i decided i don't want to be that girl. it wasn't a blog i wanted to write. so..

i am a woman. from finland. i'm 22, i have a chihuahua. i live alone. i have a step-sister with whom i share a mom. and i have a dad. i have long brown hair and green-brown eyes. i have a horrible laugh and i'm a nerd. i'm a romantic and cynical. i want to believe that i can find someone to love who loves me but at the same time, i don't believe that happening. not for me.

i have friends but not that many, mostly guys. i've lived in this city for 17 years i think and the whole time i've hated it. i'm scared of thunder. and bugs. ants especially.

i hate compliments laced with sexual innuendo. but that's pretty much all i get. because apparently, i'm beautiful. i attract idiots and players and jerks. even thought i really want to find that cute, sweet, nice shy guy who may think they don't have a shot with me. who sees the way i look but sees more than that.

i love dancing. i've danced my whole life. i smoke too. a bad habit, no lectures needed. i'm also a student. i read. i prefer tv shows over movies. i prefer marvel over dc comics. superman is awesome and all, but tony stark is just more me. i've seen all three iron man movies and the avengers movie and can't wait to see the second. i like the big bang theory. so basically i'm really nerdy.

i don't have a car. or a drivers license. i have a bicycle older than me that i got 10 years ago as a heritage when my grandmother died. someone vandalized it and it is currently unbikeable.

i hate people who only talk to me because of my looks.

i love ray william johnson and jenna marbles. sometimes i call my dog mrs. marbles. even thought my dog is so gay it's not even funny. i drink a lot of coffee. i wear a lot of black. like a lot. i want to change a lot of things about myself but can't.

and, as the last thing i write on this.. i have a medium-size stuffed hello kitty that i got from my friend. and i love it.