# 018

i've started to think about where my life is right now. where i live, where i want to live, and what i want from life.. and that's good. planning the future. except..

whenever i think about where i am now, i run.i put on my runningshoes, grab my keys and go. and i run until it hurts and i can't breath. and then i run some more. when i return, my legs wont carry me anymore. my lungs wont take in air. my heart feels like it will go boom at any moment.

i wish that if i run long enough, hard enough, fast enough, i'll get away from this town and it's drama. the people. everything. the rumors. the gossip, the backstabbing. the negativity of it all.

so far, i haven't. it keeps following me even when i put it behind me. someone always brings it to my attention. it's always right there, on the peripheral. you can't put it behind you here. it's always there. always looming, ready to suck you in.

so i run. to escape, to forget.

# 015

everyone knows that it takes a lot to be able to give up our old habits and try something new. i'm battling this right now along thousands of others.

i've never really felt comfortable in my skin. but then again, i never really took care of it either. a couple of weeks ago, i decided to stop drinking soda's. sure, they're easy and available pretty much everywhere, but they aren't exactly good for my health. candy has been gone for a while(besides the occasional enjoyment), and now, lastly, i've been inching towards healthier snacks and foods. i refuse to eat foods that are just complete junk or unhealthy to me. chocolate bars switch to breads and jogurt. and to make sure i don't slip to eating a chocolate bar instead of making myself a sandwich, i don't buy candy. at all.

i've started to drink more water, even if i get horrible headache's from it, and switched the aforementioned soda's to juices. if i go to a coffee shop, i'll rather take a smoothie or a water than some horrendously expensive coffee which actually has the coffee amount of 2 drops, maybe 3 if you're lucky. *

exercising, now that's a tough one since i don't own any sporting equipment/clothing. but i've started to go for 2-5 walks with or without my dog on a daily basis. sometime's of course, i'm too tired, but on a day like this(sunny, hardly any clouds) you can see me walk among the best of them. on rainy day's, i don't want to drag my dog with me since she get's cold easy and they really don't make dog's clothing in her teeny tiny size, so i go by myself. and when i go out at night, i choose to simply dance the night(and my worries) away.

i had a month without alcohol and it felt great, my sleeprythm went back to a normal one (going to bed around 22 to midnight and waking up no later than 9) and i tend to keep that. except going to bed earlier and waking up around 5 for school. yes, i study during the summer too.

i'm also hoping to quit smoking, but that is a harder feat than the rest. i'm more of a bored/social/pissed/etc. smoker than actually addicted to it. maybe it'll just come(or go to be exact) once my healthier choices of life have come a daily habit.

as i'm writing this, i'm actually sitting on my bed drinking coffee before going to the grocerystore. there is a desperate need for bread and other things in this house, and i am not going to starve myself. that i learned the hardway. considering actually planning my day from morning to bedtime so i have a strict schedule that i wont slip from. hopefully anyway. maybe there's some sort of punishment i could do if i slip... like... 50 sit-ups? the horror of that alone might be enough to keep me on the path(my abs are like boiled noodle so..)!

well, i wont bore you with this anymore. if my road to healthier living is something people would like to hear more about, let me know in the comment -section below and i'll keep writing.

# 014

this really deserves it's own  post. so, as some of you know, it was my birthday last month and today i FINALLY got my birthday present from my awesome brother. you want to know  what i got? of course you do my little sweeties. well, i'll tell you! he bought me Lea Michele's Brunette Ambition! AND I LOVE IT! so thanks bro<3

it really makes me want to take charge in my life even more. like why do i eat crappy unhealthy food that's bad for me when i can eat good foods and feel good about myself. and my clothing. i buy more but i toss nothing out. i have clothing for elementary school... i have clothing that hasn't fit me in like almost 20 years! nope, no way. time to toss that shit out. if it doesn't fit, if it's broken and not easily fixable, not worn in a year(winter clothing does NOT count, it was a warm winter), it's out. and if i haven't fixed broken clothing in 6 months, they're gone too. and shoes, if i never wear them, bye bye. clothing i don't wear anymore deserves a better owner than me.

so thank you again brother, i love you.<3