# 004

i did a test yesterday. or maybe the day before that. and the test said i am a pessimist and an optimist. i suddenly got reminded of the Paramore song, so not the point. anyway.. i kinda gave up. i didn't think that i'd find love.. that the only people who talked to me were jerks or something. and then yesterday, my friend came over and we talked. he wanted to cheer me up, because i cheered him up before. and he said something else that kinda hurt but i got it. and then we saw each other later. he had to go pretty soon, he studies in another town and he had school today and he you know, said the usual goodbyes and all.

then he said that he'd be back on friday.. and then i didn't think anything of it, but today i realized that he looked at me while saying it. and it, for some weird reason, gave me hope. hope that someday, i will find someone. someone nice and tall and handsome and amazing. and who thinks that i am the most wonderful and beautiful person in the whole wide world. and it feels amazing to have that hope. with everything bringing me down lately, i need to hold on to that hope, that one look and those words. i know he didn't mean them as anything special, the words or the look, but they gave me hope. someday, someone will look at me, and say, i'm coming back and mean them for me, mean that they are coming back to me. not just the city.

all of that.. gives me hope. and i want you to know, that if ever you feel like there is no one. like you want to say to me, reading this, that this is all bullshit... i want you to know that there is hope. for you. because for someone, you are the most beautiful and amazing person, even with every little flaw. because if that person does not love you for you are, all your flaws and imperfections, they are not that person. until that person comes along.. you've got me. you can write me a comment, telling me everything you want. if you don't want it published, mention it. if you do, you don't have to tell me to publish it.

i appreciate every single one of you, because you took the time to listen to me. so i will listen to you.

have hope.