# 025

today i feel sad. or maybe not sad. just down. the feeling where you just want to curl up in bed, not talk to anyone, do anything.. that's what i feel today. i want to wipe the slate clean. change everything. number, email, address, name.. just.. everything. i want to excist, and at the same time i want to dissapear. i think everyone can at some point in their life relate to that.

yesterday i felt excited and happy. until someone managed, with one sentence, bring up all my fears and insecurities. i went from the good feelings to low feelings in the blink of an eye. you can expect someone you don't get along with to do that to you.. but it's always so surprising, when it comes from someone you consider a friend. and that person, i consider a friend.

yesterday, going to the grocerystore, i managed to run into the ex that i've avoided like the plague for a long time. it was fine, we had the "how've you been?" small talk.. and then he mentioned maybe dropping by sometime. thankfully, i managed to hide my reaction of "what is happening, what does he want, why in the hell does he want to come over?!" and just said, "yeah, maybe". but boy was that a shock.

now off to cook something edible for myself and then i might just play more sims. or bingewatch a show. today i'm antisocial and down right lazy. but that's just normal. that's life. sometimes you just need a break. pause and reflect. or in my case, deflect.

i hope you are having a better friday than i am.