# 025

today i feel sad. or maybe not sad. just down. the feeling where you just want to curl up in bed, not talk to anyone, do anything.. that's what i feel today. i want to wipe the slate clean. change everything. number, email, address, name.. just.. everything. i want to excist, and at the same time i want to dissapear. i think everyone can at some point in their life relate to that.

yesterday i felt excited and happy. until someone managed, with one sentence, bring up all my fears and insecurities. i went from the good feelings to low feelings in the blink of an eye. you can expect someone you don't get along with to do that to you.. but it's always so surprising, when it comes from someone you consider a friend. and that person, i consider a friend.

yesterday, going to the grocerystore, i managed to run into the ex that i've avoided like the plague for a long time. it was fine, we had the "how've you been?" small talk.. and then he mentioned maybe dropping by sometime. thankfully, i managed to hide my reaction of "what is happening, what does he want, why in the hell does he want to come over?!" and just said, "yeah, maybe". but boy was that a shock.

now off to cook something edible for myself and then i might just play more sims. or bingewatch a show. today i'm antisocial and down right lazy. but that's just normal. that's life. sometimes you just need a break. pause and reflect. or in my case, deflect.

i hope you are having a better friday than i am.

# 024

ohmygod, i have not written here for sooo long. i am so sorry! i didn't even realize it until i was sitting on my computer and just going "i wonder if i wrote about this, i wonder if i wrote about that" and came to check.. and realized that i have not written about ANYTHING.

you guys didn't even know i moved! and that happened before the last post of last year.. i'm a bad blogger, bad bad blogger. so yeah, i moved last year, so i've lived in my new apartment for.. a bit over 1,5 years now.. it's nice and big but my neighbors have slowly driven me insane since i am not one to enjoy listening to heavy bassed(?) music at 4 am.. or smelling weed all the time because it comes through the airvents.

what else.. oh, i started coloring my hair after the last post. first i went lighter but it was more yellow then blonde no matter what i did and my hair was in such a bad condition. soo then i went dark, almost black and kept that up for a few months. and then on march i thought "i cannot keep spending this much money on my hair every two months, it's insane!" so i bleached my hair to a lovely dark orange shade(it actually looked kinda nice in pictures that i took in the dark) and then put 5.0 on that and was at my natural color and started to grow it out. now i've got ends that are just a bit lighter than my roots but i don't even care 'cause it looks nice. i'm babbling, sorry.

i also got an expansion pack for sims, the get to work thing. it's a bit awesome, but also a bit annoying. like i can't own a store and make money on it without having to be there. but i really like the doctor-career. though everyone just keeps walking through walls and the only actual doctor in there keeps freaking out at eeverything, it's so funny.

also, an update to my phone situation.. i had galaxy note 2, it broke so on easter 2015 i went out and bought galaxy S3... and that broke spring of 2016.. bought myself another iphone 4s.. AND THAT BROKE LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO. so now i'm phoneless. which sucks a little, but with no social life on my phone it doesn't really affect me all that much but still a bit of a problem.

i'm going to stop writing now, even thought there is a lot more to say, because i feel like this is going to take an hour to read as it is.. thank you so much for reading, leave a comment and.. yeah. i hope you have a lovely rest of the year!

# 023

hi guys, i'm back! i am so incredibly sorry for not posting last month. there is really no excuse for it, i just had a terrible writer's block, could not think of anything to write about. that happens but for now, i sorta have something to talk about..

so, i've felt for a while now, that i've been in a some sort of a rut and have been feeling really cluttered, especially lately. right now, as i'm typing this, i can see in my peripheral vision two boxes of clothing... with atleast one box worth of clothing just piled on top of them.. which kindof inspired me a little.

this month, which will extend to may, i am going to, more or less, declutter my life. that will include my overly full closet(i'm sorry pants that once looked awesome but i am never going to wear you again!) and my computer, phone and tablet.. now, we ALL know how cluttered our computers and phones  and everything can become, we have millions of selfie's of ourselves, and we never take the time to delete photos we hate and will never publish, those pictures where you have no idea when, where or of what they were taken and it all just piles up and takes up room on our technology.

so, the first part is to try on .. pretty much everything i own and then compile it to the closet(what is not leaving my possession), into a box(things that go into storage[ie. winter clothing]) and the stuff i will get rid of. i am not sure what to do to the things yet. probably sell the ones that are in good condition.. maybe take some to UFF. to those of you who don't know, UFF is a thing where you can donate clothing that is clean, whole and in good shape and they make sure the clothing goes to people who need it. i don't know what is the US version if it, so i don't know what to compare it to.

the second part, which will be happening whenever i'm online, is to go trough every folder and every file on my computers, phone and tablet and get rid of anything that is junk, embarrasing or makes me say "wtf is happening here". and, even though that may seem easier, it really isn't. not when there is 15,2 Gt of pictures. and that is pictures alone. there are other files as well, but those will be a whole lot easier to clear when i'm done with the pictures.

i am also going to do something about.. well, to quote veronica mars, 'my stupid ass face.' except i mean my whole being. i really want to spice up my hair someway, i've been growing it out for about 8 months now(wow that's a while since my last haircut) and the color is my natural one, no coloring, nothing. just the same cut and color for 8 months.. the people who've known me for years can tell you, that is a long time for me to not do anything with my hair.

so, now that you know the game plan, let me know if you guys have any tips on what to do, how to do it or anything else. i would also love if you would link in the comment box some of your favourite hair/makeup pictures.

inspire me my lovelies.

# 022

i was originally supposed to write about something else but after some stuff went down, i kindof lost my inspiration..

so, as i have mentioned before (i think), i like playing the sims. i have since the very beginning, when the first came out. and then the second came out and i bought that and then the third. but i considered the fourth to be too expensive and was happy with the fourth.. but alas, someone who knows my love for the game went and bought it for me! and not just any sims 4, they bought me the collector's edition box that came with the usb-plumbot! it is awesome. it actually changes color based on how my sim-character is feeling at the time. i haven't stopped playing since last night. but i kindof have some issues with it, i don't know why but i can't make people move away from each other.. so now i have a couple of adults living together and it's so annoying... i'll figure it out.. someday.

yesterday i had a friend over and we wen't to the store and bought like a ton of movies, they were 5 movies for 10€ so it was cheap as hell. and there were a lot of my favourites and some that i collect and then just awesome movies that i wanted on dvd but hadn't found the energy to go buy them so that was great. i can get my nerd on with some avengers now too.

also, i don't know if you noticed but i made a twitter account for my blog where i try and tweet some small stuff when stuff's going on that may never come up in the blog. i was asked to make and instagram account but i don't think i'll be doing that one since i have an instagram and i barely use it as it is because my phone is a crappy one and so ready to die on me already. i'll upgrade to a better one when i find one that fits my needs. pretty sure i'm going to stay in the android -family though, i kinda love it now. for those of you who don't know, i used to have an iPhone 4S and now i carry around Samsung Galaxy Note 2.

well, that's about it for now.. 2 questions though... first, what kindof movies do you like? and second... what phone would you recommend for me?

# 021

january. 2015. last here has finally passed.

i just finished reviewing my blogposts from the first one to up until now. and i realized, to my horror, that i left some preetty important stuff out. so, let's see what i've got for you.

first of all... the bangs i talked about like.. a year ago.. a bit over a year ago. yeah.. bangs no more. i grew them out. i also cut my hair short last july. like bob lenght. not pixie. oh and i also got a new piercing. i was going to write about my experience here but the pain of healing was kindof distracting and i may have forgotten to actually write stuff down about it. but, then again.. you can read about that stuff from anywhere, why read about it in here?

my year was interesting. there was a lot of drama and stuff in the beginning of the year.. and then i just cut myself off from it. i think it was like.. june-july, when i had just had it. but the really big difference was after i graduated. i quit smoking, yay me, and then.. i just stopped running around. i haven't been spending all my hours at a coffee shop or a bar or a club. i've just been home. i've gone out like once a month and that has felt like a bit too much at times.

i used to hate staying at home.. now i kinda hate going out. getting all dressed up and everything.. maybe i'm growing up. changing. which according to some people, is not possible. they say people can't change.. but if that's true.. why aren't i the same? there's no drama, no messes, no partying. i'm home, i clean, i read, i cook.. i work out.. those are changes in my life. in me. in the way i think. strange, isn't it.

before, i didn't have that much to say. not to this blog anyway, not to anyone who reads this. but then, i got a comment from a reader. my first comment. and suddenly, i have a lot to say. it's weird how motivating an actual reader can be. but it leaves me with questions too. what should i write about? what do you want to read about? at some point, it would be interesting to make a questions blog, but so far, i don't see that as a possibility. maybe at a point where it's more... public in a way.

i'm going to finish now, and hope that i hear from you. leave a comment, what would you like me to write about?